When it is Time to go Back

My husband went back to Singapore last Sunday (January 9), his flight was around 9 in the evening and I sent him in the airport at 3:30 in the afternoon. I am really not used to driving in Manila, however, I needed to bring my husband by myself because of this Covid. Usually my husband takes bus when he is leaving for Singapore.

Few days before that I was already preparing my daughters emotionally. During our bonding moments, I was mentioning their father’s going back.. I was mentioning the reason why he needs to be there. My daughters understood. They were seizing the moment that we were together.

During those days, the Omicron variant of this Covid, was already here in the Philippines. Experts say that this variant can spread quickly. We were so careful because of this.. Two days prior to my husband’s flight he needed to have swab test and have negative result. Hence, we opted to stay at home.

I cooked the dishes that my husband love. My husband kept on cleaning the house and making it organized so that it would not be hard for me anymore. My children spent a lot of times playing with their father.

The night of January 8, my husband told my eldest daughter that he will be going back to Singapore the next day. My daughter hugged him, and to my surprise, she cried. I thought, she already accepted it, she was okay with it.. Seeing my daughter cries, crushed my heart. I couldn’t cry in front of her because I wanted to talk to her and console her. It was hard. My youngest was sleeping already at that time.

The day has come for him to go back. It was a Sunday.. a lazy day for us. However, my husband still washed the clothes for me. We made it a usual Sunday. Until, I found my eldest daughter, trying to hold her tears in the living room. I again talked to her.

My husband and my youngest daughter came and saw us having a serious conversation. We told them that since children don’t have vaccine still, we cannot go to Singapore too. We told them that they need to have swab tests, putting a long stick in their nose. They knew how swab testing hurts, and their sadness just went away. They are still kids..

I was hesitant to drive my husband because I might not be able to go back home safely. The atmosphere in the car going to the airport was very light. We were having jokes, while concentrating in google maps going to the airport.

When we were already at the departure area, the reality just sink-in. I did not cry when we said goodbye to each other. However, when I was already in the car.. again driving by myself. All the hidden and succumbed emotions came out. I will never be used to this feeling.

I needed to let it all out because I was driving and I should be okay already when facing my children.

I admire those domestic workers that leave their children for a better future. The feeling of loneliness when departing is unexplainable.

It’s been three days since the day my husband went back to Singapore. We are back to our regular activities at home. I am praying that someday, we will be together again. I hope this pandemic will end soon.