Choosing Happiness

“Nobody can make you happy until you’re happy with yourself first…”

Oftentimes, we are succumbed by the notion of pleasing people. The expectations of people liking us is so high, that if that is not met, it really hurts when you fall.

Since, I was considering myself new here in the Philippines (though I grew up here), I was so excited to include myself again to my relatives and friends. I did the usual things that I was doing in Singapore, threw parties, organized get-togethers. I felt that I was accepted and welcomed again. It made me happy.

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I tried hard to make up with my absence before.. I thought of weekly get-togethers and chit chats. However, I was not expecting that my presence was creating a not so pleasant environment. It did not slip my mind that I was not really welcomed.

People are not the same, we have different views in life. We have different perspective on how we will live our lives. Even if we don’t boast about our achievements, some people see that as something “negative” on us.

And so I was disturbed on what I heard and my happiness was affected. I was thinking that maybe.. yeah, I am proud. But I did not do anything… I just want to be with them. It just happened that my husband and I worked so hard in Singapore so that our children will be comfortable. We never did that to boast, we did that for us to be comfortable. It was never an overnight success, we experienced using one pot for cooking rice and dishes. Our journey was tough..

For a while, I was disturbed, because I was confused. Then, I just accepted that people are different and this is me.. this is us… I chose to be happy.

Happiness is a choice! Yes it is.. It is a decision. It is not a feeling. Feelings change. I chose to love myself.. This is the reason why I am here in the Philippines because for the longest time, I chose others before myself. I always want more because of others.. But what I have now is enough.. I don’t want to stress myself anymore.

Now, I am appreciating people who accept me. My views, my thoughts, if people don’t like me, I am okay. I don’t need to please people. I don’t want to apologize for nothing.

Last April was my 42nd birthday, my husband post something sweet in facebook. There are some people who greeted me that I am not close with and there are some people who are very close to me that did not greet. Was it intentional? Maybe.. Why? I don’t know.. I told my husband about it, I was a little bothered, but he said, we are now at our 40s, these things do not matter anymore. Meaning, why would I choose to be affected?

I mean, I don’t even like beef. Since I was young, I hate beef. For others this is delicious, but for me it is really yucky. Same thing with people, some people would like you, some people will not. Life is like that and I accepted it.

These I would not realize if I am not here in the Philippines.. I thank God for the realization. God opened my eyes on the reality of life. I always see goodness on my every encounter.. I thought people are genuine.. God let me discovered it.

There are people who genuinely love me and I chose to be happy with them.. I chose to give back the love that they are giving me..

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